Blog entry for:
Fri, Jul 19, 2013 07:49:07 AM
ℜ in general, a lack of self-confidence keeps me ℜ
posted: Fri, Jul 19, 2013 07:49:07 AM
from trying to fulfill my dreams.
dreams do come true in recovery, the literature does explicitly state lost dreams awaken, and i have found that to be the case, at least for me and more than one of my peers in the rooms.
i also know that no matter how confident that i may appear, inside the tape has been playing for decades that since i always seem to be second best, why bother trying at all. it is easy when i settle and need not take the hit that shooting for the moon and missing places on my already fragile self image.
one of the gifts of a continual and active recovery process, is that stuff like this, the stories i have told myself for decades, that have faded into the white noise and background chatter that is my head, gets revealed for what it is. what is it? well in my case it is a limitation i place upon myself, it is not humility, but certainly one of the tools that addiction uses to keep me sick. where the notion of settling for second best came from, is really of no importance, as today i am not responsible for that. what is important and how this applies to the reading today, is how i want to stop this chatter from going on and apply active action to my life, as i uncover still more dreams i wish to fulfill.
who would have thought that coming to a program that treats addiction, would reveal core issues that keep me from allowing myself to be all that i could be? who would have ever dreamt of being able to look my internal demons in the eye and tell them, that just for today, they DO NOT OWN ME? certainly not me and more than likely no one who knew me back in the day, save my parents, who always viewed my accomplishments through their unconditional love shaped rose-colored glasses. well today, i am not buying that story and as i head on towards my career in Boulder, i can and will be certain, that although some days i am not the rock start at work, most days i am far better than i believe i am and it is up to me to let go of what my expectations are, in regards to all that i do.
yes, all i have to do, is let go of my past and allow my now to be the guiding force in my life and i can and will fulfill my dreams as they are revealed to me. so off to the job i go, to see what i can get done today.
dreams do come true in recovery, the literature does explicitly state lost dreams awaken, and i have found that to be the case, at least for me and more than one of my peers in the rooms.
i also know that no matter how confident that i may appear, inside the tape has been playing for decades that since i always seem to be second best, why bother trying at all. it is easy when i settle and need not take the hit that shooting for the moon and missing places on my already fragile self image.
one of the gifts of a continual and active recovery process, is that stuff like this, the stories i have told myself for decades, that have faded into the white noise and background chatter that is my head, gets revealed for what it is. what is it? well in my case it is a limitation i place upon myself, it is not humility, but certainly one of the tools that addiction uses to keep me sick. where the notion of settling for second best came from, is really of no importance, as today i am not responsible for that. what is important and how this applies to the reading today, is how i want to stop this chatter from going on and apply active action to my life, as i uncover still more dreams i wish to fulfill.
who would have thought that coming to a program that treats addiction, would reveal core issues that keep me from allowing myself to be all that i could be? who would have ever dreamt of being able to look my internal demons in the eye and tell them, that just for today, they DO NOT OWN ME? certainly not me and more than likely no one who knew me back in the day, save my parents, who always viewed my accomplishments through their unconditional love shaped rose-colored glasses. well today, i am not buying that story and as i head on towards my career in Boulder, i can and will be certain, that although some days i am not the rock start at work, most days i am far better than i believe i am and it is up to me to let go of what my expectations are, in regards to all that i do.
yes, all i have to do, is let go of my past and allow my now to be the guiding force in my life and i can and will fulfill my dreams as they are revealed to me. so off to the job i go, to see what i can get done today.
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
dreams... 240 words ➥ Monday, July 19, 2004 by: donnotμ moving on μ 284 words ➥ Tuesday, July 19, 2005 by: donnot
∞ in recovery, i often find more dreams come true than i could ever have imagined ∞ 464 words ➥ Wednesday, July 19, 2006 by: donnot
↔ when i used, i dreamed of the day when i would be clean. ↔ 238 words ➥ Thursday, July 19, 2007 by: donnot
α to fulfill my dreams i must take action … 311 words ➥ Saturday, July 19, 2008 by: donnot
· when i compare the ambitions i had when i first got clean … 119 words ➥ Sunday, July 19, 2009 by: donnot
“ dreams that i gave up long ago can now become realities ” 578 words ➥ Monday, July 19, 2010 by: donnot
³ even when i manage to complete something i start ³ 662 words ➥ Tuesday, July 19, 2011 by: donnot
¢ i remember that all things begin with a dream ¢ 477 words ➥ Thursday, July 19, 2012 by: donnot
¦ all things begin with a dream. ¦ 584 words ➥ Saturday, July 19, 2014 by: donnot
¡ fulfilling my dreams ! 453 words ➥ Sunday, July 19, 2015 by: donnot
🌈 my dreams 🌈 502 words ➥ Tuesday, July 19, 2016 by: donnot
✯ allowing myself ✯ 647 words ➥ Wednesday, July 19, 2017 by: donnot
🌊 taking pride 🎨 581 words ➥ Thursday, July 19, 2018 by: donnot
🏚 taking the action 🏗 495 words ➥ Friday, July 19, 2019 by: donnot
🌵 the day 🌹 664 words ➥ Sunday, July 19, 2020 by: donnot
🥃 i seem to be 🥃 529 words ➥ Monday, July 19, 2021 by: donnot
🍒 realities 🍑 468 words ➥ Tuesday, July 19, 2022 by: donnot
🌟 tempering 🌠 601 words ➥ Wednesday, July 19, 2023 by: donnot
😶 a level of service 😶 508 words ➥ Friday, July 19, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
1) The (state of) vacancy should be brought to the utmost degree,
and that of stillness guarded with unwearying vigour. All things alike
go through their processes of activity, and (then) we see them return
(to their original state). When things (in the vegetable world) have
displayed their luxuriant growth, we see each of them return to its
root. This returning to their root is what we call the state of stillness;
and that stillness may be called a reporting that they have fulfilled
their appointed end.