Blog entry for:

necessary to make my dreams reality. one of the dreams i never knew i had, was reconnecting with my cousins up in Montana. as a kid, i hated going way out to the **middle of f*cking nowhere,** to visit those **hicks.** in my first year clean, i grudgingly attended a funeral for my Grandmother and you know what, other that the actual event itself, i had a good time with my cousins and started a new relationship with them. i now see them at least once a year and today i am off to a wedding up in Montana, and am actually grateful that i got the invite to go. over the years of my recovery, being part of my family has become more important to me, than “being too cool,” to admit that i enjoy my annual trips to Montana and spending time with that side of my family. it is true, that as the celebration goes on over this weekend, i will have to be on my best behavior and use all of my filters, but is that really a bad thing? after all, when i9 came to recovery i had no filters at all.
moving on, this has been a whirlwind morning as there was a whole lot shaking to pack into the three and half hours between the time i woke up and the time we have to leave for the airport. i got to walk the dawg, sit, have breakfast, read the news, get a haircut and still have time to write this. it is true, everything had to have a bit of time shaved off, that was a concession i was willing to make, to get everything done to leave the house on time. it would almost be nicer to be driving rather than flying as there is a bit more flexibility, BUT and it is a HUGE one, the number of hours we shave off, by flying is worth the extra running around to get to the airport on time. that is also a dream come true, that i can make alterations to my plans to get everything done that i want to do.
finally, thinking about the meeting last night. the four guys that showed up ran the gamut of very hopeful about doing this gig, to very quiet about their current situation. i cannot predict how many, if any of those gents will get recovery or not. the dream that i did not know i had, way back when, was that i could carry a message to HOPE to the most hopeless and desperate and not feel superior or as if i need to have a medal pinned onto my chest. just for today, i can m=be okay with who i am, and yes, where i may actually be going, it is after all, a great day to be clean.

∞ DT ∞