Blog entry for:

come true.
every now and again i need to add a rainbow or two, especially when i seriously consider where i am today. sure the cynic within, can say all sorts of things. moving in a different direction, although, in general, i have a life that is beyond my wildest “pipe” dreams, there are days, when i feel a certain unease and discontent. today, just happens to be one of those days. there is nothing seriously wrong going on. i have a job and a career, that fulfills my needs and even many of my wants. i have a safe and warm home and a relationship that was never possible, back in the day. and yet, something feels a bit off. today all of that, is not enough and i have to go back to the basics of what it is i am doing in the here and now.
can i be grateful for what i have, even though when i seriously consider things, it does not feel like enough. i want more and more and i finally get what is going on, i am feeling the effects of addiction and using the cynic within to tell myself that i do not have enough of anything. i am forgetting what it was like and what it could be like again and falling for the half-empty, half-full trap, instead at being grateful i have a cup at all. so finally i ahve a victory this morning, all by myself i got something to work, sort of anyhow.
so as the morning burns off, and as i have a few successes, i finally am starting to get out of my funkytown state. i see that where i was, was a function of me having expectations to enter this day with absolutely no demands on my brain or time, and not having that expectation met, created a reaction in me, that is far from pretty. by stepping away, for even a few minutes.
lost dreams awaken? why yes, but even better still dreams i did not even know i had, have become desires, needs and expectations. when they are not being met, well funkytown here i come. what i had to do, was do an assignment i gave to a sponsee, are my expectations self-will or the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery? is there anything that needs to be done to allow me to let go and be okay with what i have today? do i really NEED what i think i do, or can i be grateful and have FAITH that i am getting all that i NEED, on a daily basis.
so this is running way late and i really need to get hammering away at stuff for work.
it is a good day to be clean and yes, my friends and peers, one can live out their dreams, even while living a program of recovery!

∞ DT ∞