Blog entry for:

way cool, after two mornings of thinking about how i may not be living the program as well as i could, i finally get to think about a different aspect of recovery. note that i did not label them as negative or positive aspects of the program that has given me this new life, they just are. there is only one promise in the fellowship in which i have chosen to recover -- freedom from active addiction! -- but, i find that there are so many gifts to be received, that i would do myself a great disservice to try and catalogue them.
HOWEVER, (don’t you just love that, i say one thing than i throw it away with just one caveat) i can speak about one of the gifts that i have received as it applies directly to the topic of the reading, fulfilling my dreams, whether or not i even realize i have them or not. honestly for me the line, ‘ Perhaps when we used, we dreamed of the day when we would be clean’ does not speak to any dream i ever had, even when i was struggling to get clean and find recovery. for me, recovery was a resignation to the fact that if i wanted to live my life free of the influence of outside powers, i had to clean-up at least temporarily, so my first dream was to extricate myself from the justice system. and you know what, this program fulfilled that dream by the time i was couple years into this program. and since that time i have been realizing dreams all over the place, whether i consciously realized i had them. i am clean today, i have a college degree, i am making a comfortable living working for myself, i can live with the woman i love, and most of all, i am coming to respect and love the man i am in the process of becoming. so what do i feel right now? more than a bit of gratitude and a sense of rightness i have not felt over the past couple of days. yes i have a pile of work to do and yes i have ignored my step work and yes there are more than a few responsibilities that i have slid on, but you know what, i can get all of that done if i choose to stay clean today and do the next right thing. so off to face the world and see what dream i can fulfill today!

∞ DT ∞