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and see that most of them are minor. i will leave them that way and enjoy my recovery.
so i have been on quite the run lately, looking at works and does not work in the recovery programs that are practiced by my peers. although, this morning, i have a touch of something physical going on, i am finally at a place, where i am satisfied that what works for me, is what has been working for several days in a row, namely, doing it just as i was told and continue to be told, by the oral tradition and the written word, of those who have gone before me. as much as i want to rail against what is working for them, i know that when it comes to working THE program, there is more than one path. this gig, as difficult as it is, is not complicated, and by comparing what i do, with the actions of others, all i am doing is exercising some recovery envy and setting myself up as some sort of…
the topic at hand however, speaks to me about letting go and allowing myself to “hear” the solution to whatever i am facing, through the words and actions of those very peers, i have been ripping to pieces. the part of me i call addiction, has been working thew whole of me over, leaving me without any foundation on which to stand. as the tides of life sweep over me, i am clinging to the life raft that is my recovery program. sure there are things that need to be fixed in my life. my insecurity about my employment. my inability to actually meet a deadline, and my general lack of doing anything more than the bare minimum, in my social life, has left me feeling isolated and disconnected from the very source of strength i need today, the loving comfort of my peers in recovery!
as i sit here this morning, thinking about whether or not i am going out to watch the game or just home and allow myself the chance to feel better, i know that whatever problems i have, especially the creation of chaos, by tearing down those i need the most, it is a reflection of what i am not doing. when i shared yesterday, that i always seem to accumulate new sponsees, when i am the sickest, i can see that by listening to the insanity that early recovery brings to their lives, i get to see the insanity of long-term recovery in mine. other than fighting this cold, flu or whatever, my life really dopes not look like theirs today. in fact, when i take a realistic look at it, my life is pretty damn good, and the problems i have ARE of my own design. with that thought embedded in my immediate consciousness, i think i will shower off the results of the hot and cold cycles of trying top fight off the virus that is attacking my physical self and see if i can be a part of life today.

∞ DT ∞