Blog entry for:

as the saying goes, if it looks like a duck and sounds like a duck, maybe, just maybe it is a duck. what does that have to do with surrendering self-will? well, for ma at least, a HUGE part of my intolerance and judgementalness revolves around living in the moment of self-will. i want others to like me, hang out with me and include me in their world. a very familiar behavior for me, is that if i can find someone else to be derisive and dismissive of, others may find me witty and insightful and include me in their world. so it goes, seeking to build my self-esteem at the cost of others. and yet another TENTH STEP question feels like it is apropos: Have i boosted my self-esteem by disrespecting someone else?
moving away from self-will and into the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery, is a task i can work on today, but is one i am dragging my feet, moving into. somewhere down the line, i got the notion that unless i am formally working a step, especially in the maintenance trio, i only have to pay lip service to it. since i am STEP 10, i need not worry about STEP ELEVEN, for now, as there is a step for that and i am not on it! a nice piece of sophistry there!
anyhow, i have to get rolling down the road to work, but before i go i want to explore the topic of living in my will, just a tad bit more. a friend said something the other day, that is still resonating with me, he said he spent the first decade of his recovery in the fellowship that i am a part of because he lacked FAITH. once he found FAITH, he moved to the fellowship that i began my recovery journey in. the interesting part of that statement for me is my journey towards FAITH, is because i have been freed from religious conventions, and i could certainly see how the lack of a Judeo-Christian emphasis could be disturbing to those of a religious bent. it is exactly that distance that helped me to find my way to a HIGHER POWER concept that not only works for me, but allows me the freedom to guide others to theirs. outside of religious constraints, i can more easily bend my will to fit that of the POWER that fuels my recovery, because i know that my self-interest is involved. if i do the next right thing, i feel better, and after all, feeling better is what this is all about, isn't it?.

∞ DT ∞