Blog entry for:
Mon, Jun 26, 2006 07:21:55 AM
∞ all i have to do is our part, as responsibly and conscientiously as i can ∞
posted: Mon, Jun 26, 2006 07:21:55 AM
and leave the results in the hands of the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS!
sounds quite simple, and in theory it is, but i find myself struggling to surrender my self-will over and over and over and over again. it really is not easy for me to get out of the way and let events unfold as they will. somehow i believe that there are many areas of my life that i can manage, if i just apply myself with a bit more effort. and when i apply the effort to force the results that i desire, i end-up twisted, battered and bruised, once again. and what i am usually left with is yet a larger, more unmanageable mess than when i started.
so if my experience with self-will shows that it is rarely successful, and my experience with allowing things to happen as they will is easier on me in the long run, why do i keep going back to trying to exercise self-will?
and the answer is .... (drum-roll) ..... i do not have a clue. i am not a stupid person, and yet i keep repeating behaviors that produce results contrary to what is good for me. i am not a faithless person, and yet i lack the trust in my HIGHER POWER to let go of managing the results. and i am not senile, and yet i keep forgetting my recent past. the clues to this whole mess are in the second step. i behave in an insane manner and act as if FAITH is just something that for when things are going the way i approve. so since the answers are in the second step, and this reading is about the third, what i need to do is rethink my transition from step two to step three and the benefits of the life i enjoy when i truly live those two steps. i know that i am powerless over my addiction and at times seem to believe that addiction is some alien force that possesses me when i least expect it. when i get into that space, i can be the victim and deny all responsibility for doing what i need to do. the actual truth that is that addiction is an integral part of me, or even more brutally honest, i am my disease. i cannot be a victim of myself, so i need to make the effort to let go and let my HIGHER POWER run the show. after all, there is very few things that i have any power over, but one of those things i how i behave in any given situation. so doing the next right thing right now is hopping in the shower and running into town to take care of what needs to be taken care of right now! more than enough!
sounds quite simple, and in theory it is, but i find myself struggling to surrender my self-will over and over and over and over again. it really is not easy for me to get out of the way and let events unfold as they will. somehow i believe that there are many areas of my life that i can manage, if i just apply myself with a bit more effort. and when i apply the effort to force the results that i desire, i end-up twisted, battered and bruised, once again. and what i am usually left with is yet a larger, more unmanageable mess than when i started.
so if my experience with self-will shows that it is rarely successful, and my experience with allowing things to happen as they will is easier on me in the long run, why do i keep going back to trying to exercise self-will?
and the answer is .... (drum-roll) ..... i do not have a clue. i am not a stupid person, and yet i keep repeating behaviors that produce results contrary to what is good for me. i am not a faithless person, and yet i lack the trust in my HIGHER POWER to let go of managing the results. and i am not senile, and yet i keep forgetting my recent past. the clues to this whole mess are in the second step. i behave in an insane manner and act as if FAITH is just something that for when things are going the way i approve. so since the answers are in the second step, and this reading is about the third, what i need to do is rethink my transition from step two to step three and the benefits of the life i enjoy when i truly live those two steps. i know that i am powerless over my addiction and at times seem to believe that addiction is some alien force that possesses me when i least expect it. when i get into that space, i can be the victim and deny all responsibility for doing what i need to do. the actual truth that is that addiction is an integral part of me, or even more brutally honest, i am my disease. i cannot be a victim of myself, so i need to make the effort to let go and let my HIGHER POWER run the show. after all, there is very few things that i have any power over, but one of those things i how i behave in any given situation. so doing the next right thing right now is hopping in the shower and running into town to take care of what needs to be taken care of right now! more than enough!
∞ DT ∞
The views expressed on this page are solely the opinion of the author.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
While the author is a member of a 12 Step recovery fellowship, these writings are not intended to endorse or express the published wisdom of any fellowship.
These writings are not meant to be socially or politically correct, and if you take issue with any opinions expressed, please seek the guidance of someone wiser than me.
Another Look!
self-will 105 words ➥ Saturday, June 26, 2004 by: donnotδ allowing surrender δ 299 words ➥ Sunday, June 26, 2005 by: donnot
δ not that surrender is always easy. on the contrary, surrender can be difficult, δ 371 words ➥ Tuesday, June 26, 2007 by: donnot
μ when driven primarily by self-will, i constantly wondered whether i had covered all the bases μ 429 words ➥ Thursday, June 26, 2008 by: donnot
∞ all i have to do is my part, as responsibly and conscientiously as i can ∞ 454 words ➥ Friday, June 26, 2009 by: donnot
Þ my fears are lessened and my FAITH begins to grow, Þ 669 words ➥ Saturday, June 26, 2010 by: donnot
√ as i learn the true meaning of surrender, i find that i am fighting √ 888 words ➥ Sunday, June 26, 2011 by: donnot
∏ i will surrender self-will and seek knowledge of the will of the POWER that fuels my recovery ∏ 500 words ➥ Tuesday, June 26, 2012 by: donnot
± by surrendering, acting on faith, and living my life ± 160 words ➥ Wednesday, June 26, 2013 by: donnot
∫ surrender is the beginning of my new way of life ∫ 455 words ➥ Thursday, June 26, 2014 by: donnot
ℑ i no longer NEED to fight ℑ 627 words ➥ Friday, June 26, 2015 by: donnot
ℴ surrendering ℴ 599 words ➥ Sunday, June 26, 2016 by: donnot
🏳 driven primarily 🏳 860 words ➥ Monday, June 26, 2017 by: donnot
🍒 my fears are 🍒 640 words ➥ Tuesday, June 26, 2018 by: donnot
🏏 covering all my bases 🏃 519 words ➥ Wednesday, June 26, 2019 by: donnot
🏅 fighting fear, 🏅 643 words ➥ Friday, June 26, 2020 by: donnot
🏴 the more 🏳 306 words ➥ Saturday, June 26, 2021 by: donnot
🖖 doing my part, 🖖 517 words ➥ Sunday, June 26, 2022 by: donnot
🤜 the theraputic 🤛 305 words ➥ Monday, June 26, 2023 by: donnot
🏚 what did not 🏚 400 words ➥ Wednesday, June 26, 2024 by: donnot
☯ The Tao that can be spoken is not the eternal Tao ☯
by Lao-Tse
Translated by James Legge
Book 1
2) The report of that fulfilment is the regular, unchanging rule.
To know that unchanging rule is to be intelligent; not to know it
leads to wild movements and evil issues. The knowledge of that unchanging
rule produces a (grand) capacity and forbearance, and that capacity
and forbearance lead to a community (of feeling with all things).
From this community of feeling comes a kingliness of character; and
he who is king-like goes on to be heaven-like. In that likeness to
heaven he possesses the Tao. Possessed of the Tao, he endures long;
and to the end of his bodily life, is exempt from all danger of decay.