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i surrender, is not a phrase that springs off the top of my head. in fact, surrendering to me, feels as i am giving up. because of that connotation, the definition i use is to cease fighting. no admission of defeat, not giving up the fight, just stopping. life still goes on, i still GET to practice these principles of recovery and i become more whole. especially when i cease fighting what i was, worrying about what i may become and just accept who i am now, in this slice of the space-time continuum. be that as it may, i am still in a tizzy about that exact issue, who i am, today.
what i do know, is that it has been a long time since i led a meeting and my performance ion my home group, certainly showed that. i stumbled over words i know and could not even get the Serenity Prayer out, dang it all. that seems to be an indication that maybe, just maybe, i need to step up to some group service and help out. the only one, who probably judged me today, was me, and i rated myself a total FAILURE. i guess i need to lighten up and just accept that i am out of practice.
my task list for this day, is almost complete, instead of taking a nap, which is also on my list today, i think i will head over to Boulder and spend my gift card. the tent is in its weatherproof-ish configuration, i have had my lunch and i am ready to get out and about, before napping or gaming the rest of the afternoon. it really is a good day to cease fighting and see what comes of it.

∞ DT ∞