Β· i still have my own ideas Β·
Posted: Thu, Dec 4, 2014 07:43:22 AM
about how i want to live my life.
the reading this morning, being about the exact step i am on, gave me pause to think. as i move further and further away from the mainstream view of the POWER that fuels my recovery,, these sorts of reading have less and less relevance to me. after all, if the POWER that fuels my recovery, has no human attributes, including intelligence, or none in any sense that i can even begin to comprehend, these sort of activities seem to be more for me than anything else. even as i ponder the words my sponse said, about feeling the will of a HIGHER POWER, i begin to see less and less the practicality for praying for anything, much less knowledge of that will for me. here is where i can sense the separation starting. so i cannot or will not pray, because i do not see any sense to it, other than fulfillment of some superstitious need within me. to speak about this notion in an open meeting would certainly not be in my best interest, so i suffer, twist and turn in silence, as i draw further and further away from the very people who can help me the most. and before i realize it, an experiment with moderation is in order, after all, since i could not see myself as part of those “GOD” people, maybe i am not one of those “addict” people either!?
so what do i do? well i keep trying to reconcile prayer into my current view of my spiritual path, and not be obsessing about it. i just keep doing it, even if it does not feel quite right. i pay attention to what i am feeling, as that is how the will of that POWER most likely will be revealed to me. and i do my best to live my spiritual principles out in the real world as well as in the rooms, and just have a bit of FAITH, that i am right where i need to be and much more will be revealed, as long as i keep paying attention.
so it is off work i go to see if i can give my employer what they require of me today.
the reading this morning, being about the exact step i am on, gave me pause to think. as i move further and further away from the mainstream view of the POWER that fuels my recovery,, these sorts of reading have less and less relevance to me. after all, if the POWER that fuels my recovery, has no human attributes, including intelligence, or none in any sense that i can even begin to comprehend, these sort of activities seem to be more for me than anything else. even as i ponder the words my sponse said, about feeling the will of a HIGHER POWER, i begin to see less and less the practicality for praying for anything, much less knowledge of that will for me. here is where i can sense the separation starting. so i cannot or will not pray, because i do not see any sense to it, other than fulfillment of some superstitious need within me. to speak about this notion in an open meeting would certainly not be in my best interest, so i suffer, twist and turn in silence, as i draw further and further away from the very people who can help me the most. and before i realize it, an experiment with moderation is in order, after all, since i could not see myself as part of those “GOD” people, maybe i am not one of those “addict” people either!?
so what do i do? well i keep trying to reconcile prayer into my current view of my spiritual path, and not be obsessing about it. i just keep doing it, even if it does not feel quite right. i pay attention to what i am feeling, as that is how the will of that POWER most likely will be revealed to me. and i do my best to live my spiritual principles out in the real world as well as in the rooms, and just have a bit of FAITH, that i am right where i need to be and much more will be revealed, as long as i keep paying attention.
so it is off work i go to see if i can give my employer what they require of me today.
∞ DT ∞