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∞ in GOD's will. this morning's reading presents a very sticky wicket for me. although i definitely want things to go a certain way and have offered my suggestions up in prayer, i have found that it is best for me to not do so. i have a way of turning suggestions into expectations that may or may not be met. if they are not met i get angry at GOD for not fulfilling my expectations, if they are met, it encourages me to suggest more and more until i reach a point where one is not met and once again i am angry at GOD for not fulfilling my expectations. since the concepts of FAITH, PRAYER and even a HIGHER POWER are new to me since starting the journey through recovery, i jealously protect them from myself. the part of me that wants to use is always looking for ways to trap me into a corner where the only option is to get HIGH, and i do not want to be there.
so even though i do have ideas on how i want to live my life, i am looking more on how to integrate them into GOD's will and less on making suggestions as to what i think. this works for me and it has led to a greater acceptance of my part in the ever changing relationship i have with the spiritual world.
-- DT --