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what a delicious irony. i was whining about what people expected me to share yesterday and today i get the answer. the only thing that the literature of the program that gave me this new life says i MUST share is my recovery. that does not imply that i have to give away anything else. although the skills and abilities i have accumulated over the course of my recovery are a gift from this program and a loving, caring POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN AND PROVIDES FOR ALL MY NEEDS, i get to choose when and where i give those skills away. part of what i was so angry about yesterday is the unspoken assumption that many of my peers in recovery seem to share that once we get here we have to be helpful in all sorts of matters when asked by another member to do so. i am beginning to find this assumption extremely offensive and when given the opportunity clarify where my boundary stands on this issue.
what i really have no choice about, and our literature is very clear on this, is when asked to share my experience, strength and hope about my recovery process, i cannot say no, period. if i start allowing for exceptions to that axiom, i start the slide into isolation and relapse. although lately i have not been attracting many offers to share my recovery in a twelfth step situation or after a meeting, it does not mean that my resolve to live up to this principle has been altered one whit. am beginning to sense that my world view and sense of reality is undergoing a seismic shift, and everything i have been feeling lately is part of that landscape change, including my petty little resentments and probably most of my friendships and relationships. what things will look like on the other side i do not have a clue, but the time has come to surrender to the inevitability of this change and have the FAITH necessary to see it through. after all i am only able to write these little missives because i have chosen to stay clean day by day since that fateful day oh so long ago, as it seems to my tiny conception of reality. i am grateful that i may have the opportunity to share the gift of my recovery today and see what happens.
∞ DT ∞