Some memes

a greater connection to the world around me and with that connection, perhaps a better sense of who i am and what my purpose just may be. i know i have written about only coming to see my identity a few years ago, after crawling out of the rock of the lie that ruled my life for decades on end. and dammit it all, i was getting comfortable in that new skin and <BOOM> now i am retired and once again trying to figure shit out. the good news, is, i have much less further to go, i was already further up the learning curve when i entered this new phase of my life. i was clueless as to my purpose three months ago, and i am still wandering in the trackless waste seeking that enlightenment. maybe, just maybe, i am already living my purpose and need not worry about a definitive answer to that quest.
as i sat this morning, i actually shut down the constant chatter that is my nearly constant companion. from that void, i got the felling that i am trying too hard to be what i am not, rather than relishing where i actually am. i want to resist that conclusion and be in control of who i am becoming, regardless of what is actually happening. this may be the “sign” i have been looking for to actually write out my THIRD STEP. i have been twisting and turning about the nature of what i need to decide to turn over to the POWER that fuels my recovery. i am comfortable in my own skin and even if i am suffering a bit of angst about my “purpose” in this life and where i may be going. i can say for certain, attempting to control the outcome of my job search and my next step in my life is wearing the fuck out of me. perhaps today is a good day to see what pen to paper happens to bring out.

∞ DT ∞