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self-obsession,. what do you mean, it really is NOT all about me? say it ain*t so! of course the literature says self-obsession is at the CORE of addiction, so the fVck is someone like me, supposed to do. my natural tendency, with or without using, is to be obsessed with myself and filling my needs, my wants and mu desires. making the world spin my way as it were.
yes, i know, a bit of whiny hyperbole there, and it is just to illustrate a point, of course i am obsessed with my self, fulfilling my needs, etc. that is part of the human condition, what i NOT part of the human condition is the extreme that i can take that notion to, even when i have some time clean. the answer, at least for me, was found by working the steps. now i am not advocating a working one or more full set of steps to anyone, after all, who am i to say one MUST or MUST NOT do or be what they are. for me, it was my salvation from a life of overwhelming self-interest and the path to rejoin the rest of the human race. that is not hyperbole, that is the truth, simple and unvarnished. the steps and the changes they manifest within me, got me back to where i never was, even before that very first time, i used. i do not necessarily believe i was born with bad blood or destined to a life as an addict, but i was certainly exhibiting what i have come to understand as signs of active addiction, long before i used that very first time. why would i expect those symptoms to be abated just because i stopped using. for me simple abstinence was never enough, and once i finally caught a glimpse of how self-obsession had narrowed my world, i was pissed off and depressed. even today, i have regrets about what my life might have been, and then i realize that living in the past and mooning over what never was, is not really going to serve me well today, in fact, it serves me not at all!
as i wrap up this little exercise, i can be assured that while self-obsession, is not going to be totally removed from me, as i am not the Mother Theresa type, i know that IF i continue to practice an active program of recovery i will become less like i was when i walked into the rooms, at least just for today.

∞ DT ∞