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so once again i here about filling the emptiness in my soul. it may be true that i attempt to fill that emptiness with outside things -- sex, money, praise, drugs or toys. the weirdest thing about this concept for me is that i do not even realize that i have a void that needs to be filled. i always assumed that i used to suppress or alter my feelings. the fact that i was not comfortable in my own skin or did not like feeling the way i felt did not seem to relate to a spiritual void, but just was. since i came to recovery in a spiritual coma that i was resistant to wake from, only strengthens the argument that what i lacked was a connection to the divine. and that lack of connection fed my disease -- the disease of more. it is kind of ironic that this morning, i think about a joke among my using friends. when the ‘ just say ’ campaign was in full gear in the eighties we used to say, " just say mo' ! " even then i knew that the nature of my problem was the lack of the ability to fill myself up.
well today i am connected to the divine. not that i have any kind of guru-like understanding nor do i pretend to have GOD‘s ear, but i do have the capability to listen, look and feel what the next right thing to do is and i have the ability to do that. celebrating my conscious connection by sharing what i have been freely given sounds like a plan for today and beyond!
∞ DT ∞