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be alright, if only...
it has been quite a few minutes since i read this reading and i am clueless about what i heard this morning. today included five hours of driving, working with two sponsees, getting to an out of town meeting, watching a peer collect her twenty-one year medallion, making it home in time to see the home team blow a fantastic finish and killing it in fantasy football. oh yeah i almost forgot, a bit of face time with my sponsor. and just when i thought i could pound this out and watch more football, one more sponsee, needed an ear to listen to his stuff.
i left the house this morning, believing i was “stuck” on my THIRD STEP, when actually i had finished it and was ready to move on to STEP FOUR, dang sponsors are good at that, telling me that i am ready for what i do think i may be. at least my sponsors always have been.i forgot, or perhaps i chose not to remember that the THIRD STEP is not about actually implementing a decision, it is merely making that decision, and yes just for today, i am willing to DECIDE to surrender my will and my life. putting aside all of that, is the fact that i am content with where i am in life, the same thing as having my appetite satiated.
as i think back on my recovery journey, i have grown up as well as grown old,. since i got clean. regardless of the fact i was dragged screaming and kicking into the rooms, and chose what i thought would be then easier softer path, these days, i am quite pleased about where i have ended-up. here is where many of my peers would start the list of all the gifts of recovery that they have been given and how f*cking grateful they are fore all of that. for me, that may be true, BUT, and yes it is a big one, the one gift that i am really grateful for today is the measure of order and calm that is my life, most days. the irony of a chaos junkie finding order not only acceptable, but actually satisfying, is so delicious that i cannot help but roll on the floor laughing my ass off. i can see how correct my sponsor was in his assessment this afternoon, i really am ready to start yet another inventory, and as i sit here contemplating that act, i wonder if there really is anything that needs to still be revealed. there i go thinking again. in stead i think i will leave it right here and state that right here and right now, everything is alright and there is nothing that needs to be added to the mix, to make things any better.

∞ DT ∞