โ in my addiction, i could never get enough drugs, or money, or sex, or anything else. โ
Posted: Fri, Sep 15, 2006 11:41:15 AM
even too much was never enough! there was a spiritual emptiness inside me.
so one day is about something different and today is about the emptiness inside. they both address the same issue from different angles at least in my humble opinion. the something different i was seeking was in response to the emptiness i was feeling. so more of something different had to be the answer. and that is how i lived my life always getting and finding the ways and means to more of something different. i did not have a clue that what i needed was a spiritual solution BECAUSE my problem was affliction of my spirit as well as my emotional and physical state.
to avoid what i wrote about the other day, let me just say i was more than a bit dismissive of spiritual solutions before i made the decision to recover. and even in early recovery, when i was desperate enough to do almost anything, i still has more than a bit hesitant to accept that i needed a spiritual solution. i did what i was told and acted "as if," but i really had my doubts that this program or anything similar would be of any help to me. after all, i was not like those in the rooms i attended meetings in during the first thirteen months of my recovery. that fellowship required mental gymnastics that i was barely willing to perform. the event that really saved my life was the final discovery of where i did belong and of a program, while on the surface quite similar to the one where i started my recovery, that was totally different once the common roots were stripped away. the fruit of that program has given me a manner of living that allows mew to apply spiritual principles to my entire self, not to the fractured pieces that i came in to recovery still in my possession.
so am i full today? not by a long shot, but i am closer to being a complete and whole human being than i ever have been and i am willing to accept that there is a spiritual; solution that will allow that empty feeling to subside from day to day. i do not have to go shopping, or make major changes in how i look, nor even use today to feel less empty. all i have to do, is to my best to be more than i was yesterday and if that is not possible allow the healing process to work as it will in my life. and that task is more than enough to think about for now!
so one day is about something different and today is about the emptiness inside. they both address the same issue from different angles at least in my humble opinion. the something different i was seeking was in response to the emptiness i was feeling. so more of something different had to be the answer. and that is how i lived my life always getting and finding the ways and means to more of something different. i did not have a clue that what i needed was a spiritual solution BECAUSE my problem was affliction of my spirit as well as my emotional and physical state.
to avoid what i wrote about the other day, let me just say i was more than a bit dismissive of spiritual solutions before i made the decision to recover. and even in early recovery, when i was desperate enough to do almost anything, i still has more than a bit hesitant to accept that i needed a spiritual solution. i did what i was told and acted "as if," but i really had my doubts that this program or anything similar would be of any help to me. after all, i was not like those in the rooms i attended meetings in during the first thirteen months of my recovery. that fellowship required mental gymnastics that i was barely willing to perform. the event that really saved my life was the final discovery of where i did belong and of a program, while on the surface quite similar to the one where i started my recovery, that was totally different once the common roots were stripped away. the fruit of that program has given me a manner of living that allows mew to apply spiritual principles to my entire self, not to the fractured pieces that i came in to recovery still in my possession.
so am i full today? not by a long shot, but i am closer to being a complete and whole human being than i ever have been and i am willing to accept that there is a spiritual; solution that will allow that empty feeling to subside from day to day. i do not have to go shopping, or make major changes in how i look, nor even use today to feel less empty. all i have to do, is to my best to be more than i was yesterday and if that is not possible allow the healing process to work as it will in my life. and that task is more than enough to think about for now!
∞ DT ∞