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by feeling the full range of human emotions. i have heard it said more than once by my peers that they have **good** and **bad** feelings. i came to recovery with a similar mindset, actively suppressing those feelings i considered undesirable and doing my best to enhance the others. that never quite worked out for me, but that did not stop me from trying. i carried that set of behaviors into recovery with me, and i was clean for a very long minute before i started to come around to the notion that judging my feelings based on some internal criteria or social norms would kill me in the long run.
i know that the judgements that i had about my feelings and emotions were part of my culture growing up, as well as all sorts of other little pieces of toxic personality traits. i also know that throwing off those cultural norms is a lifelong process upon which i have embarked, through the program of recovery. today, however, i have come to a place in my life, where what i feel is more important than how i feel about what i feel. i know the trite cliché, “it is what it is,” applies in this instance, and i am quite content to live in that, just for today.
my laundry is done, i have walked to dawg, pounded the pavement for five and a half miles in under fourteen minutes per mile, and devoured my lunch. the time has come to put aside everything else and just kick back, watch some football and root, root, root for the home team. perhaps, no no perhaps about it, enjoy a cigar or two as i fall into a food and football coma, this afternoon. sure sound like a great way to pass more than a few hours, just for today.

∞ DT ∞