↰ to judge, ↱
Posted: Fri, Sep 23, 2016 09:31:21 AM
stereotype, or moralize with or about my peers in recovery, is far from a spiritual principal, and yet there are times when i hear the lies i tell myself, rationalizations and justification, that soothe my conscience.
“it is only because i care, that i am talking about so and so.”
while that may be true, i DO care, i doubt my motives are ever quite so pure and here it comes, “after all, i am only human and humans, talk about others!” quite honestly, this was much easier to do, when i was only semi-attached to the fellowship, as ion before i started this last set of steps. when i was on the outside, i did not care, that much, and was more concerned about how i looked in the eyes of my peers. i wanted everyone to think i i had SUPREME recovery and being just a bit on the outside kept that hope alive. being tied to my peers, friends and acquaintances, it is much more difficult not to judge and offer my opinions on matters of how so and so appears to be behaving. the worst part, is then i start casting motives based on why i would behave that way.
ah, but i am so much fVcking better now! 😉 in reality, i am actually better now. sure i still judge the crap out of everyone, but i keep those judgements to myself. i still have the desire to participate in character assignation, especially the tasty bits, when it is how the great have fallen. i have, however, developed more than a few filters and <GASP> some empathy, placing myself in their skin, if i was the victim, rather than the perpetrator. more importantly, even though i really do not want to deal with my less than stellar behavior on my daily inventory, that is where it shows up and then i NEED to take the corrective action, which means owning what i did, and making it right.
anyhow, i am far from saintly, i do not possess SUPREME recovery and i am still an addict, so i will stumble and fall. my job is to discourage those i have a modicum of influence over, to not participate in gossip and move along. the best thing i can do, is to be an example and allow others to find their own way out of the morass of back-stabbing and gossip.
“it is only because i care, that i am talking about so and so.”
while that may be true, i DO care, i doubt my motives are ever quite so pure and here it comes, “after all, i am only human and humans, talk about others!” quite honestly, this was much easier to do, when i was only semi-attached to the fellowship, as ion before i started this last set of steps. when i was on the outside, i did not care, that much, and was more concerned about how i looked in the eyes of my peers. i wanted everyone to think i i had SUPREME recovery and being just a bit on the outside kept that hope alive. being tied to my peers, friends and acquaintances, it is much more difficult not to judge and offer my opinions on matters of how so and so appears to be behaving. the worst part, is then i start casting motives based on why i would behave that way.
ah, but i am so much fVcking better now! 😉 in reality, i am actually better now. sure i still judge the crap out of everyone, but i keep those judgements to myself. i still have the desire to participate in character assignation, especially the tasty bits, when it is how the great have fallen. i have, however, developed more than a few filters and <GASP> some empathy, placing myself in their skin, if i was the victim, rather than the perpetrator. more importantly, even though i really do not want to deal with my less than stellar behavior on my daily inventory, that is where it shows up and then i NEED to take the corrective action, which means owning what i did, and making it right.
anyhow, i am far from saintly, i do not possess SUPREME recovery and i am still an addict, so i will stumble and fall. my job is to discourage those i have a modicum of influence over, to not participate in gossip and move along. the best thing i can do, is to be an example and allow others to find their own way out of the morass of back-stabbing and gossip.
∞ DT ∞