Blog entry for:

values that matter to me which more times than leads to me bring a pompous, know-it-all a$$hole.
the reading seems top speak of a mythical time in the past, nostalgic about how i once was, but oh so much better now. the reading is not wrong and i twist the meaning and its words into a but of hyperbole, to make my point. that point? no matter how many days since the last time i used, i still can CHOOSE to act in total disregard to the values i have come to accept. while some of my peers choose to focus on staying clean “no matter what,” i seem to focus on whether or not i am growing, accepting as fact that: just for today i CHOOSE to be clean. i also CHOOSE how to act and which values i will or will not live up to today. the greatest gift that recovery has given me, is the ability to CHOOSE!
the gift of choice carries with it, an enormous amount of responsibility, so much so, that i can be overwhelmed by it and revert to my default state of indecision and allowing myself to be swept away by whatever current happens to be present at the time. what i do not seem to have given to me, is a choice of what values i have today, so the freedom to act contrary to those values requires that i have a safety valve, and i do, it is called a daily inventory. recovery has given me the opportunity to uncover, recover and discover what my values are. the judgements i make about how others are living up to my values, is actually an bill of indictment of how well i am not. as a result, i often find myself backed into strange and unfamiliar corners, spiritually, wondering how the fVck i can be rescued and finally owning and accepting that the only way out, is to admit my wrongs, seek forgiveness and humbly accept the consequences of those admissions, and i HATE doing so.
nevertheless, one of the values i do espouse is that i am reliable and being reliable and accountable to my employer means it is time to wrap this up and head on down to the office. i walk out into the real world hoping that i too, can be a bit better at living my values today.

∞ DT ∞