Blog entry for:

certainly gave me pause to stop and consider if i wanted to go on, a year ago. even though at that time, i had no idea what may be uncovered and released into the wild, i was sort of, kind of, willing to write it out and move on. i had a hunch it was going to be about my identity, but was clueless about how much of my identity would be undermined and swept away in the rush of emotions, released by writing about that ancient stuff. as i glide into my SIXTH STEP, kind of, sort of, i feel the effects of what has transpired within me over the past seven months and am becoming quite ready to feel something a bit different.
it was not the FOURTH STEP stuff that i “heard” it was thew feelings part. yesterday, i had my thirty day review and it went just as i thought it might. i need improvement in every measure of my fitness for the job, especially wqhen it comes to details and asking for help or direction. it was not a surprise to me, but certainly an awakening of sorts that needs to be addressed. IF i can put the same amount of energy into my job as i put into working out, i am quite certain that i will be the right person in the right position as the culture of my employer states so succinctly. what is holding me back, is my work habits from the job i have left behind and the culture of not being revealed as “less than,” regardless of what the bigwigs tried to say. it was ALWAYS someone's fault. blaming and shaming was part of that culture, and it has been ingrained in me to, show no weakness and cover my ass, no matter how trivial the task seemed to be. i am grateful to be gone from there and the time has come to let go of that culture and accept that i am in a position that will allow me to grow, just for today.

∞ DT ∞