๐ how i express ๐
Posted: Fri, Feb 6, 2026 12:04:12 PM
unconditional love is not uniform from addict to addict or from day to day. as i walk through most days, i am not brimming with kindness, brotherly love and optimism. that is not who i am, at my core. i tend to see the dark side in even the brightest of light and never apologize for it. this morning as i over sat, what came bubbling up was something that happened yesterday that made me say “who is driving this car?” i let other drivers merge in front of me, i maintained a safe driving distance and i did not rail about those drivers who were driving far below the posted speed limit. unconditional love? probably not! kindness in deed, more than likely. the fact i did it without thinking about it, is the surprising part. life is ironically funny sometimes in my skin and those times when stuff like that happen, i can laugh and tell a friend i wondered who was driving my car.
moving back into the theme of unconditional love, yes it is true, that i do not give it the same to every one in my life o every addict i happen to encounter in the fellowship. i am still riddled with prejudice, bias and of course long term memory, as hard as i may try to overcome those shortcomings, they persist and affect how i give and yes receive love from those around me. for the most part, those who are the closest to me, my spouse, my friends, the men who call me their sponsor, get my love without conditions. i am forgiving of their missteps and seek to provide them the comfort and insight into who i am, that they all deserve. the others? well that is a different story. my long-term memory and the behaviors that protected me in active addiction are still part of who i am. the steps have removed the buttons that activate them, for the most part, and yet more often than i want to own, i still fall back into those familiar patterns, as if i was still running and gunning. “muscle memory” is a bitch!
just for today, i can see where i may fail and choose to behave in a different manner. i have to remember that my fellows travelers, whether they are in recovery or are even addicts are probably doing the best they can with what they have. when i step out of entitlement and treat others with the kindness and respect i desire i move closer to that ideal: living in a state of unconditional love.
moving back into the theme of unconditional love, yes it is true, that i do not give it the same to every one in my life o every addict i happen to encounter in the fellowship. i am still riddled with prejudice, bias and of course long term memory, as hard as i may try to overcome those shortcomings, they persist and affect how i give and yes receive love from those around me. for the most part, those who are the closest to me, my spouse, my friends, the men who call me their sponsor, get my love without conditions. i am forgiving of their missteps and seek to provide them the comfort and insight into who i am, that they all deserve. the others? well that is a different story. my long-term memory and the behaviors that protected me in active addiction are still part of who i am. the steps have removed the buttons that activate them, for the most part, and yet more often than i want to own, i still fall back into those familiar patterns, as if i was still running and gunning. “muscle memory” is a bitch!
just for today, i can see where i may fail and choose to behave in a different manner. i have to remember that my fellows travelers, whether they are in recovery or are even addicts are probably doing the best they can with what they have. when i step out of entitlement and treat others with the kindness and respect i desire i move closer to that ideal: living in a state of unconditional love.
∞ DT ∞