Blog entry for:

feeling like i do not belong, are certainly behind me, most of the time. the changes that have been manifest in my life, since i did my FIFTH STEP, are incredible. i have had loss, i have been fired from a job, i have been a disruptive force while standing up to an exercise of self-will and i get to watch loved ones sink into pits of despair and self-pity. through it all, i stayed clean and committed to living a program of recovery. best of all, i GET TO, accept who i am, without any conditions today. i have yet to move on to the next part of that proposition: accepting others as they are, without conditions, but i am sure that is coming down the pike as well.
this morning, as i once again wait to see when my Mom is being released from the hospital, i know that i can be there for her and maybe, just maybe,. the time has come to stop trying so hard to get her to have some sort of life, outside of TV, her recliner and gaming on her tablet. she seems to have accepted that is all she can do and is unwilling to try and expand beyond that realm. i guess, as hard as it may be, that i have to accept that is what she has the DESIRE to do and allow her to slip away, into obscurity, day by day. the lesson i am getting from her behavior is that i NEED to do what i CAN do to make my own life conform to my desires, just for today.
speaking of that, it is time to dress out and start my walk through the 'hood. i am taking the next three weeks off from running, to see if that is what my body needs to heal up a bit and become a faster and stronger runner. i have a plan for today and it includes taking care of myself and once again getting some more training stuff done. it is a good day to be clean and accept that this sixty-four year old, still has more than a bit of life left in him, just for today.

∞ DT ∞