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of my past may still be present in my life, but certainly are no longer as heavy as they once were. oddly enough, it is the amends i am making to myself that has relieved much of the weight off my figurative shoulders. the wake-up call i got when i wrote my last FOURTH STEP and shared it with my sponse, was that allowing an event in my past to control me decades later was certainly worthy of an amends. i had started the process of making amends to myself several years ago, when i decided that i would no longer allow myself to slide into physical sloth and decline, due to aging. it was a huge effort to look at what happened, the resentments i formed and ignored for decades on end, and the damage i did to myself as a consequence. owning what i did to myself and how i allowed someone to have that much power over who i believed i was and where i believed i was going. reclaiming my power has not been without its twists and turns, and not everyone is thrilled to death with my new found “voice.” that is, however, not my stuff anymore. what they feel and desire, is their stuff and never, ever again will they have the power to tell me who i am or am not.
this morning, as i am running way late, i am pounding this out as i pay very little attention as i listen in on an “all-hands” meeting that i am not all that interested in listening to, as i am only a contractor and not an employee. my level of investment in my current employer is very low. i could blame them and quickly become the victim of their lack of investment in me. that is what it is and is certainly life as a contractor, rather than a full-time employee. i can whine about it, i can continue to exhibit a low level of interest in the ongoing success of my employer or i can accept what is and give them my best. attending this meeting is not high on that list today and getting some steps under my belt certainly is, so it it time to post this exercise and continue to work on my physical health.

∞ DT ∞