Blog entry for:

without expectations. really? seriously? i mean, how can any human being go into any situation without having some sort of expectations? the honest truth of this matter, that i am not some sort of saint and i go into nearly every situation and interaction with some sort of expectations, as to the result. what i settle on, is not the elimination of my expectations, but a quick look at whether or not they are reasonable and let them go. no i do not forget them, but i stop allowing my conscious knowledge of my expectation color my behaviors as i am in the midst of those situations.
moving on, one of my pet peeves, is those members who front they are spiritual in the rooms then walk out and become total a$$holes. i am guilty as charged in that respect as well, and i could put a great big BUT here. just as i try to limit my expectations to realistic ones, so do i attempt to behave in a manner consistent with the program i have been given. part of living in that manner, is that i do not post excerpts from the literature of my fellowship on social media. before i sound like i am casting a judgement, which of course i am, i can say that without a doubt, i understand that when i do, i open up the fellowship, my fellowship, for criticism, based on my behaviors. while i tend to believe that i act and live according to the principles of the program. that belief is colored by my perceptions of myself and may not actually reflect the reality of the situation. a consequence of my behavior and attitude not matching 100% with what i share about, is that i end up making the other members look bad, as the brush paints nastily across all of my peers. so i comfortably sit at my desk at home wondering how the rest of you manage to reconcile what you do with who you are and who you want to become, and i ponder a bit and let it go.
i know that today, i understand that the human condition, my culture and addiction, colors my world with all sorts of often competing and clashing patterns of colors, and my job is to be true to to my vision and allow myself to be the best that i can, without expecting any else to see what i am correcting or refurbishing just for today.

∞ DT ∞