Blog entry for:

to my ongoing recovery process are fairly numerous and if i were to list them all, i would not have any time to pound out a little bit of my thoughts on expectations and planning results, which is what i heard this morning. although, as the reading suggests, planning the results of the amends process is certainly a dangerous road to walk down, expectations pop up all over the place and block me from getting what i need, or from moving forward. expecting someone else to take care of themselves or do anything to improves the quality of their life, has been a major obstacle to my serenity. as tough as it may feel, letting go of that expectation and making that surrender a permanent part of my spiritual life, is where this addict needs to go.
this whole notion of getting someone to do something that is good for them, when they are unwilling to for themself, is something that has plagued me forever. i want to believe i “know” what is best for everyone, including myself and am quick to fire off suggestions about what one “should” do, even before i am asked for a solution. this is a character trait/defect, i have carried forward from active addiction and even though, time and again, it has been proven in no uncertain terms that i do NOT hardly ever “know” what is best, it still persists to this day. i am better about putting my DESIRE to chime in, on the back burner and not go there, BUT, and yes it is a big one, in my head i already have the “answer” ready to roll. and so it goes.
this morning, as i hit the streets and get some steps in, i am okay with letting go of my expectations for at least the next hour or so. i am also okay, stepping into this day with an awareness that for me to grow, i need to let go and be okay not having a suggestion at the ready and an answer ready to fire off, when all i really need to do, is listen. oh yeah, about amends, i make them to the best of my ability and desire an outcome but i do not live or die, based on the final results.

∞ DT ∞