Some memes

indoctrinated into a cult? i guess after being a part of this fellowship for a minute or so, it certainly is a valid question. when one takes a look at what i believe, what i have come to accept and how it matches up with reality, one might not be able to answer that question with any sort of certainty. although there is one hard and fast rule for belonging: the desire to stop using, there is no one handing out piss cups at the door to monitor whether or not i am staying clean. there is no wailing or gnashing of anyone's teeth, when i find the disease concept of addiction, more than a bit off-putting. the reality of my life is, i was totally messed up when i got here and my overwhelming dependence on substances to keep me semi-sane had nearly destroyed my life. i may not see myself as a “sick” person, but i certainly see that addiction makes me different than the other 80% of the human race and requires that i now get to make a choice about what to do about it. for me, that choice is staying clean and living a program that allows me to become a better version of me.
one of the tests that i apply to whether or not i am indoctrinated is am i truly thinking for myself, or do i take everything i hear as the TRUTH. when i hear something spurious, whether it be on the news, in the rooms, or from those i hang with, i have to question them on what exactly they are saying. the more outlandish the claim, the harder i push to get to the core of what they may be saying. a case in point is that i have been repeatedly told that it is ONLY through the twelve step program upon which i am embarked that i get freedom from active addiction. that is not what the literature says, nor it is not what i see when i have friends that have long term clean time and are happy, sane and living fulfilling lives. what i have found is that for me, this program works and if i chose to step away, i probably could maintain abstinence, but would i really be able to continue the sort of growth i have experienced without the assistance of outside help? the reason i do not require therapy, is because i have a program that gives me a path to better mental and emotional health.
the fact that i can choose to write about my experience without the fellowship version of ICE breathing down my neck, speaks to the “cult” question. today, i choose to be clean. today i choose to live my life by the spiritual principles that i have been given by the fellowship of which i am a member. today, i choose to say that i am an addict and require the assistance of a POWER greater than myself to stay clean just for today. and just for today, i have no regrets for any of that.

∞ DT ∞