๐ sometimes the ๐
Posted: Fri, Jul 18, 2025 11:02:15 AM
risk of being vulnerable, is about accountability, owning up to the results of my less than stellar behavior. i know that when i came to recovery i lived in a shell that was kilometers thick, believing that it could protect me from all the turmoil of the world and prevent me from feeling any pain. what it did was allow me to simmer in my own juices, lose any regard for those around me and not worry about any consequences if my self-centered and selfish actions went sideways. i did not care and never worried about paying any sort of price, until my world came crashing down and the justice system destroyed my so called life.
these days, i know what i am doing most of the time and i have the desire to get through my day, without having to “own” doing anything wrong, something a peer o mine calls a real-time TENTH STEP. it also means that unlike the spokesperson for one of the most powerful people in the world, i say “oops, i guess i was wrong, sorry about that, is there anything i can do to correct my faux pas?“ in those old days, i would take a cue from her playbook and change the subject and divert attention away from the whopper i just let loose. my favorite game was: pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!
as i sat this morning, i heard more about risk than i heard about vulnerability or growth. it is so fucking ironic that as much of a risk taker i was, back in the day, i was severely shut-down and isolated to prevent taking any risk to my emotional self. there was very little that i desired that was worth the possibility of getting hurt. moving into the here and now, i am running way late, as i get used to this life of leisure. quite honestly, i have not slept this well in years and spending time not working is really feeling great! it is time to get busy and take care of bidness.
these days, i know what i am doing most of the time and i have the desire to get through my day, without having to “own” doing anything wrong, something a peer o mine calls a real-time TENTH STEP. it also means that unlike the spokesperson for one of the most powerful people in the world, i say “oops, i guess i was wrong, sorry about that, is there anything i can do to correct my faux pas?“ in those old days, i would take a cue from her playbook and change the subject and divert attention away from the whopper i just let loose. my favorite game was: pay no attention to the man behind the curtain!
as i sat this morning, i heard more about risk than i heard about vulnerability or growth. it is so fucking ironic that as much of a risk taker i was, back in the day, i was severely shut-down and isolated to prevent taking any risk to my emotional self. there was very little that i desired that was worth the possibility of getting hurt. moving into the here and now, i am running way late, as i get used to this life of leisure. quite honestly, i have not slept this well in years and spending time not working is really feeling great! it is time to get busy and take care of bidness.
∞ DT ∞