Some memes

sound judgment in how i make decisions, place my trust, and meet my responsibilities. no one ever promised me that if i stuck around, i would ever have the ability, much less the desire to have any sort of sound judgement. nope, the only promise i was given was that if i practiced this program of recovery, i would be freed from active addiction. there were no modifiers on that promise, just an action and a result. from that consequence, i have received a whole lot more, including the ability to trust my judgement and my intuition to make the correct decision almost all the time.
my txt buddy asked me this morning the difference between self-acceptance, self-confidence, and self-esteem. as he is newish to recovery, i suggested he do a bit of research in the dictionary and the internet, to come to a place where we can discuss his notions, based on what he found. i do not think he was trying to find a shortcut to his own opinion, but was sincerely asking for my input, as a peer who has a minute clean. the men ho have been my sponsors, have encouraged me to think for myself and not live my recovery life by dogma and ritual. they encouraged me to live a deliberate life of recovery, taking responsibility to come to my own understanding about how this gig works. i know what the literature says and does not say. one of the things it explicitly points out is that “we have never seen an addict fail who lived this program of recovery.” i took that line to heart and continue to do so today. when i make conscious choices and deliberate decisions about what to do next, i can say that i did my best, regardless of the outcome.
i may have a recovery routine that one might think i adhere to in a slavish manner. appearances can be and often are deceiving. i make a deliberate decisions to practice each part of that ritual, every single day, because i feel better and more centered when i choose to do so. it is not the actions that are important to me, it is the results. that has not always been the case, as once upon a time, all that i do today, i did out of fear of relapse or worse, a life of misery in mere abstinence. more than once i have asked myself if i do what i do out of superstition, because my fear of relapse has been reduced to practically nil. that does not mean that i am recovered or ready for “advanced recovery” it just means for me, i have found the secret sauce to a life worth living, just for today.

∞ DT ∞