Some memes

even after some time clean, i find that this theme is still being whispered by the part of me i call the disease of addiction. regardless of how many times i have completed the cycle of twelve steps, no matter how successful my life appears, no matter how good i am feeling, this vile little whisper is still present and coloring my perceptions of the world. today the theme of the reading was reaffirming that my life was worthwhile and worthy of all the footwork i need to do to maintain my recovery. that include the exercise in FAITH that has been presented to me. over the next three days, i get to see if i will be going on vacation in Key West or somewhere else. the forces of nature have created a hurricane that will be passing over Key West in the next two days maybe, and whether or not the damage or lack thereof will affects my vacation plans is up in the air, right now. i know i am worth going on a vacation, and i know that i am worth going to the Florida Keys on vacation, but i could take this as a sign from GOD that i am not worthy and twist and turn about the outcome of my plans five days from now. what the reading and my heart are telling mew is to be patient, have FAITH and allow the events to transpire as they will. what do i believe today? that no matter what i will be taken care of, and that this is not a test of my FAITH, but an exercise in learning how i can let go of self-will and be okay with events beyond and i mean way beyond my control. i do not have to worry as more will be revealed over the next couple of days and worry will not give me anything but more wrinkles, more grey hair and sleepless nights. and in the theme of the reading, worrying about this will validate the feelings of worthlessness that i have felt in the past and have been lessened as i allowed the process of recovery to work in my life. so off to the letting go process and into doing what needs to be done today!

∞ DT ∞