Some memes

the message, my own life transforms. i never think that gratitude and carrying the message actually changes who and what i am, much less how i see myself. as i sat this morning, what kept coming up was the notion that yes i am changing and i have been transformed from the using addict who was all about getting what he could for himself. i really do have to be grateful for that transformation as i really was living a life that still fills me with some remorse when i think about it. my gratitude is grounded in the fact that i live a life that no longer that leads to a whole lot of remorse or regret.
today, after a few days of fucking around with AI, i am actually taking care of bidness. oh i am still playing around, but i am moving out of my obsession and into just some fun. i can see how my obsession has been ruling my life and it really sucks. part of being in recovery, is knowing when it is too much and lately, it has been way too much. there is still a bit of desire to get things perfectly the way i want it and that is the driving force behind my obsession, dang it all, when am i going to say enough and just move on? well, just for today, maybe not right now, as i am close.
as i move into this day, i will alternate between what i want to do and what i need to do and see how that works out. life is to short for me to living in a place that i do not like. i am certainly grateful that i can CHOOSE the house of pain i dwell in, or not to dwell there at all, just for today

∞ DT ∞