๐ฌ accepting who ๐ซ
Posted: Tue, Sep 9, 2025 10:42:46 AM
i truly am -- neither worse nor better than i believed i was when i was using, just human means living in humility. part of that at least today is acknowledging the depth of how far the rabbit hole of image creation i went. i skipped lunch yesterday and Saturday to spend more time creating. yesterday after i swore i would let it go, it got even worse: i skipped my workout and never achieved my daily goal of 11K steps. my justification? i can get this done and done perfectly if i just kept at it and did not give up. well i ran out of credits and my image is not done. this morning, as i am locked out until 11:30, i got a workout under my sneakers with lots of steps towards my goal. i may go down that rabbit hole later today, but at least i will eat lunch, run my errands and use the lock out as the ways and means to step back from this precipice again.
thinking about humility and my impending clean date, creates a bit of cognitive dissonance for me. one of my peers shared the other day that he wears his clean time as a badge of honor. not only do i understand that, i catch myself in that very same mode, all too often. i mean what the fuck! a friend and peer of mine, who send me a card every year, taught me a valuable lesson yesterday, as he is anonymous about his clean date. when i pinned him to the all figuratively, he let me know he has nineteen years and his clean date is in June. he explained the whys and wherefores of his choice and i have to honor him by accepting that is who he is. i do not think i will ever get to that place and as i am out and about attending meetings and he is not, i can find a place between wearing my badge of honor and his anonymity.
anyhow, it is time to get on with my day and see what i can accomplish as i wait for my time limit to expire. i am good today and i now know that i do need limits, just as i did with fantasy football a few years ago, when i was obsessed and spent days down that rabbit hole. it took a great strength of will and more than a bit of help from the POWER that fuels my recovery to return my life to a more even keel, without obsession eating my lunch. with that as my guide, i can move forward again into a balance between AI image creation and the rest of my life, just for today.
thinking about humility and my impending clean date, creates a bit of cognitive dissonance for me. one of my peers shared the other day that he wears his clean time as a badge of honor. not only do i understand that, i catch myself in that very same mode, all too often. i mean what the fuck! a friend and peer of mine, who send me a card every year, taught me a valuable lesson yesterday, as he is anonymous about his clean date. when i pinned him to the all figuratively, he let me know he has nineteen years and his clean date is in June. he explained the whys and wherefores of his choice and i have to honor him by accepting that is who he is. i do not think i will ever get to that place and as i am out and about attending meetings and he is not, i can find a place between wearing my badge of honor and his anonymity.
anyhow, it is time to get on with my day and see what i can accomplish as i wait for my time limit to expire. i am good today and i now know that i do need limits, just as i did with fantasy football a few years ago, when i was obsessed and spent days down that rabbit hole. it took a great strength of will and more than a bit of help from the POWER that fuels my recovery to return my life to a more even keel, without obsession eating my lunch. with that as my guide, i can move forward again into a balance between AI image creation and the rest of my life, just for today.
∞ DT ∞