Some memes

is my best asset in carrying the message. yesterday, when i had to sit through the shares of two of my peers, i was struck by the notion that my affirmation to be willing to let go of judgement applied to more than driving. what bothers me the most, is not what they shared or how they behaved, although there is great cause to berate them for that, it was my inability to honestly shut down and listen for the message they were putting out there. i do not take advice well, and when one or more of my peers generalize to addicts in recovery in general by saying “we” and “you” i can go off the rails, at least in my head. i do not think either one of my peers yesterday set out to actually give advice or stereotype all of those who are seeking recovery, but that was the message i got. the result for me was that i have to be true to who i am and only share what i know to be true about myself and my recovery, that is, after all, the only thing i know for certain.
moving into the here and now, this morning as i sat, what popped off the stack was the notion that maybe my sponse is on the right track with the actions i need to take to implement my THIRD STEP decision in real-time. when i am confronted with a situation in which i choose to judge instead of letting go of my need to do so, i can beyond the self-will that can drive me to distraction. i sincerely want to change and becoming some sort of saint-like recovery guru is not what my goal is these days. i am not quite certain what my place in the world is these days, but i know i have one and am worthy of filling the space and breathing the air around me. honestly, i do not have to tell myself or anyone else that i am a “good person,” or that i am walking a path of active recovery, as i would prefer they saw that for themselves. it is my deeds and not my words that are more important to me and the number of times i take someone to a ball game does not equate to how well i am parenting, if that person is failing to grow up, live in the real world and accept responsibility for their life. ah, there i go again, the judgement train just left the station. well that is number one on my tally of the day. on that note, i do believe it is time to get moving to my first day of work, just for today.

∞ DT ∞