Some memes

myself dreading the future, i can work on living responsibly today. what does that mean for me today, after the many, many times, i have written on this particular topic -> living in the moment? for me, it means learning how to live well on my greatly reduced income. i do not have that million dollars in my retirement account and i never will, unless of course one of those silly lottery tickets pay off more than ten bucks. it could happen but i am not holding my breath. among the reasons i lack that million dollars is that i lived my life as if i was never gong to get old and have to retire. yes, one might say i was living in the moment, way back when, but the reality was that for me, that moment was chasing that next high, trying to get the feeling i got the very first time i got high. looking back at that life now i should have realized it was never going to be like the “first one,” no matter how hard i tried. do not get me wrong, i got high right to the end and it still worked for me. it just never felt like it did the first time, when my world was changed.
this morning, i did not really have the desire to be out of bed at five thirty, but circumstances forced my hand and sitting here pounding this out and enjoying a cigar, i am glad i got up, found nothing to be pissed about and went about my day. i could have been pissed off about at least three things, but i made a decision to be present for myself, allow those feelings to wash through me and start my day on the right foot. that is certainly part of living in a responsible manner. i “get to” be out and about a bit earlier than usual and get a few things done, the first and foremost is to write a “story bible” that is actually aligned with the current state of my creative writing project.
if i want to get that done before lunch and a meeting, i had better wrap this up and move into my next task. life as a retired guy is not all that bad and i have the desire to live today, as if i am going to be around another twenty years and i want those years to be enjoyable, active and memorable. i can be bitter about the way i got dropped into the retirement world, but to what end, i really hated my job and it was a drag on my life. one might say that the POWER that fuels my recovery took care of me, even if it felt like that POWER dropped me on my ass and walked away. what actually matter is that i am finding my life to be enjoyable, full and productive, just for today.

∞ DT ∞