๐ i am of ๐
Posted: Sat, Jun 6, 2026 01:27:39 PM
value in and out of the fellowship. today, however, i feel just a bit off. nothing is good enough for me and everything just has a taint of something that find less than tolerable. it started with my source material this morning, continued on my drive to my home group, persisted through the meeting and was topped off by a new app that was far from ready for prime time. none of that was out of the ordinary, save for the new app, and why nothing was “good enough” for me, is yet to be explained. what i know, for a fact, is that i have to deal with the public in a couple of hours. what that means is that i need to find a way to reset and restart my day, before stepping into the fray.
i do not have days like this all that often and when i do, i quickly arrive at the solution of starting my day over and looking for things that worked as i expected for which i can be grateful. nothing today has been that outside my comfort zone and perhaps, instead of seeing the wrongness i can dwell in a different house and seek the rightness. today feels like a subtle reminder of what and who i was way back when. in active addiction, my phase of mere abstinence and even in early recovery, i was almost never satisfied with anything. i wanted more. i wanted better results. i wanted freedom. as a result of all of that cynicism and pessimism ruled all i did and thought. today, may not be as fill-blown return to that life, but it is certainty a strong echo of my lass than savory self and i have to admit that IT SUCKS!
as i have the desire to be of value as i sell cigars this afternoon, i can remember that feelings, even dissatisfaction are transitory. i do not need to over-complicate anything. all i need to do is to let go, consider where i could be and develop as sense that i do have value to myself and others, even when nothing, especially me, is far from perfect. when i walk through life, expecting anything to be just ever so, i will always be disappointed and from that base i can look to be a bit more centered and ready to face the world of retail, just for today.
i do not have days like this all that often and when i do, i quickly arrive at the solution of starting my day over and looking for things that worked as i expected for which i can be grateful. nothing today has been that outside my comfort zone and perhaps, instead of seeing the wrongness i can dwell in a different house and seek the rightness. today feels like a subtle reminder of what and who i was way back when. in active addiction, my phase of mere abstinence and even in early recovery, i was almost never satisfied with anything. i wanted more. i wanted better results. i wanted freedom. as a result of all of that cynicism and pessimism ruled all i did and thought. today, may not be as fill-blown return to that life, but it is certainty a strong echo of my lass than savory self and i have to admit that IT SUCKS!
as i have the desire to be of value as i sell cigars this afternoon, i can remember that feelings, even dissatisfaction are transitory. i do not need to over-complicate anything. all i need to do is to let go, consider where i could be and develop as sense that i do have value to myself and others, even when nothing, especially me, is far from perfect. when i walk through life, expecting anything to be just ever so, i will always be disappointed and from that base i can look to be a bit more centered and ready to face the world of retail, just for today.
∞ DT ∞