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BUT a loving HIGHER POWER does not test my recovery, my character, or my faith. LIFE just happens, and sometimes it hurts!
and sometimes it goes as smooth as silk, no bumps in the road, no awkward situations to extricate myself from, and no drama to deal with. so for me, if i believe that the pain in life is just that, pain that comes from living the human condition, then i cannot believe that the good things that happen are some kind of cosmic reward -- they too are just part of life being subject to the human condition. there is one more corollary i need to express before really diving in to this topic and that is that my experience is that a whole lot of my pain and suffering is the direct result of choices i have made, and the fulfillment of my dreams and goals are also the result of choices i have made.
so in a cosmology of no divine rewards, testes or punishments, where does the will of a HIGHER POWER come in? and exactly where does self-will end?and exactly how many angels can dance on the head of a pin? sounds like i could work myself into quite a tizzy just pondering these imponderable questions. well for one thing, if i was some monk, squirreled away in a retreat or heritage, i would have time to devote to puzzling out the answers to these questions and many more of the mysteries of life. HOWEVER, i have to live in the mundane day to day world of modern society. as a consequence, that means in order to function i NEED to cut to the chase, and that means accepting everything that comes my way as being just what it is -- life on life’s terms. yes there are the wills to contend with my true will, my self will and the will of my HIGHER POWER. the way i cut through all the bullshit about what is what is evaluate whether the results i desire are matching the results i am getting. if those results match, and i like them i must be exercising my true will as it is aligned to the will of my HIGHER POWER. if the results do not match my desired outcome than i probably am exercising self-will in opposition to that of my HIGHER POWER’s. and when something unexpected occurs, as it does every single day, i have the opportunity to learn from it, regardless if i consider that event to be trying, good or bad -- it is simply a function of being human and how i react to it is a function of being a recovering addict. yes i can wail about how unfair and unjust life is, and walk around as a DIVINE VICTIM. i prefer to live my life to the best of my ability and not allow myself to choose to see myself as a victim of any sort. i am entitled to recovery and i am entitled to a life without the use of drugs, BUT those entitlements come with the responsibility that i have to do whatever it takes not to pick-up and use anything today PERIOD. so off to the races and see what life has in store for me today!

∞ DT ∞