Blog entry for:

me more resilient and certainly better prepared to face the ups and downs of whatever life throws at me. it would be a wonderful thing to say that i am now capable of taking whatever comes my way in stride, recognizing what i can and cannot change, and using the wisdom that has been gifted to me through my recovery program, to change what i can, which often enough is just the manner in which i choose to respond. life these days certainly has presented me with more than an issue or three and as i walk through each day, i have been choosing to ignore what i really need to be doing, spending a bit of time, looking through the last cache of papers from my Mom's house. i know that delay and procrastination will not make that sorting disappear and i will have found all that i need to find, but living in a state of wishful thinking is just the ways and means to deny doing the next correct thing.
the “issue” that is bothering me the most, is the physical changes that have been manifest from my trek to the top of Africa. my “unhealthy” is not healing fast enough for me, as i still cannot sit cross-legged for my morning surrender into the void, and still have to take OTC medications to manage the nagging pain. i “know” that i am making progress, but it does not “feel” fast enough to satisfy me. i also “know” that once i am capable of working out again, i will have to ramp up my activity slowly, paying attention to the pain and giving myself a break. i have the desire to run 10K in fifty-five minutes or less this year, but that may not happen on Memorial Day, which i am certainly not very happy about.
once again it comes back to living in the real world and not the world of wishful thinking. once again it comes back to relying on what i have been given as a result of living a program of active recovery, on a daily basis. does not sitting in my favorite position affect my ability to quiet my mind and listen? not in the slightest! does not being able to resume my physical fitness program affect who i am and what i believe i may be able to accomplish? well if i believe that old lie, that echoed in my head as i climbed in Africa, the answer is YES! if, however, i fall back on my recovery, i can see that running times and how often i go to the gym does not really affect how i view myself, when i remember that i am not now nor have i ever been, broken beyond repair. that means the time has come to post this and move on to the exercises that will help me regain what i lost due to my i=hiking injury in October. day by day, i am certain i can achieve what i want to, if i just listen to what i am feeling and navigate my way to the next right thing.

∞ DT ∞