Blog entry for:

life is just life and stuff happens every single day, whether that stuff is good, bad or indifferent, is up to my perception. i do not believe that i was born to suffer, nor do i see myself the victim of some cosmic practical joke, where i am expected to rise from the ashes of deafer and live happily ever after, until the next time. when i came to see my spiritual path as the best for me, i threw all of those notions away, with any anthropomorphic versions of a HIGHER POWER and have found a great deal more understanding, serenity and stability in my day to day life. that does not mean i do not whine and complain about how tough stuff may be at any given time in my life. injustice, unfairness and random chance all abound in the world around me and oftentimes i am a victim of any or all of those possible states. that is what it is and i am powerless to change that. what i do not “need” to do, is to ask the POWER that fuels my recovery to take this cup of misery from me.
i fell into the victim trap, late yesterday afternoon when one of my peers, detected two minor bugs in the project that i have been slaving over for the past three months. i got angry as he provided the evidence i needed to see the issues and when the heat finally faded it took me less than thirty minutes, to make the corrections and get it posted up where he can retest it. i felt picked upon and disrespected, but as i finally came out of the haze of my initial anger, i saw that he is doing a big favor, by finding this stuff before our customers did. this morning as i test my “fix” one more time, perhaps i can finally put this project to bed and move on.
looking at the temperature and the time of day, i am attempting to decide whether i will hit the streets or drive out to the Rec Center. i am right at the boundary between indoor and outdoor workouts and am certainly leaning towards being outside rather than inside. what i heard this morning as i was pondering the nature of my life and how it is not a series of cosmic or divine tests, was that no matter what happens, IF i stay clean, commit to living a program of active recovery and do my best with what i have, i will survive it. it is quite true that i would rather thrive than merely survive, but some of the time, surviving is the best i can do. my decision has been made, i am going out into dawn's early light to get my steps in and burn off some of the excess calories that i consume this time of year, thanks to my local Girl Scouts and their addictive cookies. 🤣

∞ DT ∞