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cosmic tests designed to teach, or is it just a life on its own terms? okay, i have to be the first to admit that even i, from time to time, feel tested by the events of life. i sometimes feel that if it was not for bad luck, i would have no luck at all and that i was somehow born to suffer and destined for misery. that cloud overshadowed my life in active addiction and followed me into the rooms. i often share that i am in the rooms because of an unfortunate set of coincidences and events, but in reality, my actions could have brought me to my knees much earlier in life and i was “lucky” to get away with what i did, for as long as i did. although the reading relies heavily on the standard suggestions for what a HIGHER POWER should have, to allow me to walk away from a belief system that depends on testing and failure, it no longer fits in my spiritual outlook and i often find myself jumping through a hoop or two to reign myself in. let's see if that is the case this morning.
in my spiritual world view, i do believe that something provides for all my needs and provides me the opportunities to get what i need to stay clean. that SOMETHING, is not loving or caring and is not capricious or humorous. so i end up calling that SOMETHING, the POWER that fuels my recovery or GOD for brevity and so i can invite my peers in to my world. i do not believe that i am “destined” to be anything but a white male, approaching sixty, living in the USA in the second decade of the 21ST century. i believe i am fortunate to be born into an affluent society, without any physical or mental challenges and to be given the opportunities to maintain a lifestyle with which i have grown quite accustomed to living. is this “GOD-given” or random chance i leave up to others who are more versed in theology and theosophy. me, i just accept the happy accident of how i came to be and move along.
life, however, is a series of events that drive a process i call living. for the most part, most of the pain and suffering in my life has been self-inflicted. my lack of financial planning and my grasshopper manner of dealing with the future, left me in several precarious positions, more than once. i know that soon enough i will start losing my parents and my family members of their generation, as well as those of mine. i need not “steel” for those emotional blows, because i have FAITH that i can handle the emotional turmoil; those events will bring to me. if i feel overwhelmed by the events oif my life, i have the support of the fellowship i call home, to provide me the anchor to recovery i need. i have FAITH that the program of recovery i have implemented in my life, will provide me the means to get through those situation and even those i cannot imagine clean and whole. i can rely on my version of a HIGHER POWER to give me what i need, if i allow myself to stay in the here and now, and live each day, just for today. and on and on and on, as one can see, recovery for me is a FAITH based program and i need not wail and whine about whether or not i get mercy or justice.i may be tested by the events of life but it is not some sort of cosmic test designed to see whether or not i am up to snuff, those events just are. i do not need a military parade down main street on the 4TH of July, to make me feel like i have worth, nor do i have to throw a tantrum to build a wall that is never going to keep anyone out. i am okay being a garden variety addict, who chooses to stay clean, NO MATTER WHAT and just for today, that is way more than enough. i hope i passed the test!

∞ DT ∞