Blog entry for:

my own powerlessness and seeking the aid of a POWER GREATER than myself. the lie of self-sufficiency and the major contributor to that lie self-centeredness. quite a fertile patch to plant the seed of my recovery. it is amazing that anyone, let alone me, can recover in such a mental wasteland. and yet, recovery does happen, in this addict and many thousands worldwide. all of us suffer the same condition and all of us are presented with a program that allows us to pulverize the myth of self-sufficiency into manageable chunks of soil that the seed of recovery can actually germinate and grow in. thinking back on my early days in recovery, i can see that my belief in being self-sufficient was at the core of my systemic denial structure. only after that structure was hammered to the point of fatigue was i ready to recover. it is up to me, to continue that process of breaking up the soil with step work, applying fertilizer and soil amendments by remaining a part of the fellowship and letting the light of a POWER GREATER THAN ME, to provide the energy needed to sustain the growth of my recovery. so that is the end of my cheesy little analogy, what is really important for me this morning is to remember the lie of self-sufficiency that brought me to the rooms all those days ago.
i did not believe i was powerless back then, and these days i find that same lie, creeping back into my thoughts from time to time. i never wanted to be an addict nor did i ever want to have to recover from addiction. the events that led to my surrender and consequent recovery, were among the the most fortuitous things that have ever happened to me, although that was not what i believed back then. i want more today than just freedom from active addiction, and i believe i can get more because i have been given that gift. part of the gift of that freedom, is that i no longer have to be self-sufficient. i can rely on the POWER THAT KEEPS ME CLEAN, top provide for me all those things i am unable or unwilling to provide for myself. those things come to me on the silver platter of the fellowship that has given me a new manner of living, and all i have to do is choose to accept them. among those gifts, in fact the latest one offered was a new definition of a vision for myself, the path to continue on the journey to become the man i have always wanted to be, and i am still trying to decide whether or not to accept that gift. the HOPE of this is that i by continuing to do what i have done since that original surrender, i too can continue to pulverize the myth of my self-sufficiency and allow my recovery to continue to thrive in the light of that POWER which has sustained me for as long as i can remember. life is good today, and i am ready to step out into the world and face it.

∞ DT ∞