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with a spiritual solution: the Twelve Steps. hmmmm, the theme of entitlement has been rolling around my head over the past few weeks, and just when i thought i had kettle it go, BOOM, here it comes back again in a different form. it does however make sense, entitlement is part of the symptom of being self-centered. the belief that somehow i am so special that i am entitled to anything more than the opportunity to choose recovery, certainly is an interesting manner to hide the self-centered part of me. once again, identifying that in others, is how i actually see it in myself. the lie of being self-sufficient has been replaced by the lie that i am owed something, just because i am here, and that notion is reinforced with a very shallow interpretation of the the literature, that i have heard since getting clean. it is no mystery to me, that i tune out the parts of the literature that speak about standing on my own two feet, taking responsibility for my actions and doing what those who were here when i got here, did. i want and sometimes i believe that i am entitled to this new way of living just because i showed up.
the counter to that little piece of nastiness? well as i copied from the reading, the 12 STEPS and as i work through them, i am beginning to understand that anonymity means more than not telling the people i work with, that i am an addict in recovery. it means without name. when i practice the principle of anonymity, in that sense, i become selfless, which is the spiritual opposite of selfish. as i become more selfless, my belief that i am owed something diminishes, as my entitlement diminishes i become less self-centered and more HIGHER POWER centered and all of the sudden, i am more of the person i have always wanted to be. quite a chain reaction, and all of it stems from the fact that i am powerless over addiction and that unless i have a power in my life greater than myself and addiction, all is lost for me. YES THAT IS RIGHT, STEPS 1 & 2 in a nutshell, the reader's digest condensed version, if you will. number 3 is not far behind, so surrendering my will and my life into the care of the POWER that fuels my recovery, powers up the process of living in active recovery, just for today.
so yes, my goal today is to move out of the pieces of my behaviors and beliefs that prevent me from moving forward and doing my level best to replace self-centered actions with GOD centered ones, as i walk through today.

∞ DT ∞