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actually the reading was a tad bit wrong for me this morning when it spoke about lacking any values when we get here. i had a single value, that i would do whatever it took to get and use and had no problem standing for that. all of the values i had been taught growing up were morphed into this single overriding value, ANYTHING IS OK AS LONG AS I GET TO USE!
it is the journey through recovery that was stripped that illusion away and in its place provided me with the set of values i ascribe to today. although i still have some trouble standing up for those values at times, i either believe that somehow standing up for myself will hurt others or that i am not worth living by to a higher standard.
the one value that keeps coming up in recent days is my belief that everyone that enters the doors of our rooms deserves the chance to at least experience our way of life without pressures from those who are her and have been here long enough to know better. i am adamant in this belief and have hurt some of my close friends by passionately expressing this belief.
all i know is that for some reason it is part of the divine order for me to recover today, and i want every addict to have the same chance to discover this for themselves. recovery was hard enough for me in the early days without the added pressure of dealing with another person's feelings and desires and i am thankful that for me at least this program was a safe place for me to discover who and what i was and who i can become. today i do stand for something and i will do my best to assertively express those values i have chosen to live my life by. today i can recover and allow others the same chance.
-- DT --