Blog entry for:

the ruins of my former self.so once upon a time, i would do anything to get what i thought i needed. one may think that this violated my moral values, and although i certainly knew right form wrong, i was so good at denial, obfuscation and rationalization, that nothing i ever did, violated any sort of values. so it was quite difficult to even admit that my moral state, was in “ruins.” as i stay clean and work a program of recovery, i realize that all those years of lying to myself, took its toll, i was incapable of facing the reality of how i was behaving and what i was doing. i found that over the years the lies i told myself, somehow morphed into the “TRUTH” and when presented with the REAL facts, my carefully crafted façade fell to pieces and i was left standing naked, in public, in the full light of day. what a rude awakening that was!
it was not as if i got clean, worked a step or two and <BOOM> all of a sudden i had a moral compass, a conscience and a set of values that were more inline with the rest of the human race, that would have been oh so nice. what happened for me, is out of the shards of that carefully crafted image, i discovered there were more than a few recoverable pieces to start the process of rebuilding my moral self. that process has been ongoing and continues to this day. io would like to go on and on, but actually there is little more to say. this is not any instance of FAKE NEWS, as i am more clear about where i belong in the world today and what happens when i CHOOSE to go against the values i have adopted since finally coming to recovery. one of those is to give my employer their due, which is next on the hit parade today!

∞ DT ∞