Blog entry for:

to stand for something, anything has always been and continues to be a problem for me. i want to be loved and accepted and the part of me i call my disease tells me that i have to compromise my values to do so. i have never been good at being assertive and i often vacillate between passiveness and aggressiveness in order to find assertiveness. i know that this reading is more about finding values than living by them. this morning for some reason i feel the need to look at how i am living my values.
the very fact that i have rediscovered my values in a miracle in of itself. the fact that i am coming to believe in myself with a fervor that approaches my belief in the GOD sent program that saved my life is also a new and wonderful thing. the problem i have is balancing the belief in my self and newly refound values and living in reality. the old behavior told me i had to always be right and i had to make sure everyone agreed with me by whatever means were necessary.
in early recovery i realized how mistaken i was and became passive and agreed with just about anything, anyone told me and actually believed that was the next right thing to do.
so balancing between those extremes has become a sort of mantra for my life. i have strong opinions, i have a better idea of what is right and wrong and i understand that some people believe that i may have an opinion or two that is worthwhile. so standing up for myself, my values and my opinions while allowing others to do the same is what i feel this morning's reading was about for me. every day is another opportunity to learn something else DANG IT! and i may actually allow that to happen today!
∞ DT ∞