Blog entry for:

the experience delivers a strong dose of humility, my first reaction to such a disclosure is usually shock and anger, yet i recognize the truth when i hear it. the definition of a rude awakening, quite a bit to swallow so early this morning, but a truth nevertheless that i need to acknowledge. i hate being shown how bad i have been acting by someone else. i sometimes believe that all i have to do is see it for myself, and most of the time i do. what it is about it i hate the most, is not being able to see it for myself, and the nature of a rude awakening being foisted on me from the outside. but i guess it would not be a rude awakening if i could see it for myself, so it is the entire concept that i detest, even though the results are certainly appreciated and welcomed. HUH!??
well the result of these unwelcome disclosures are that i have a new area for growth potential. i get to once more refocus on what has been working and look at discarding what has not. these new areas for growth are often places and issues that i thought were long ago dealt with and put into their proper perspective, when the truth is that it is my denial that makes me think such nonsense. in fact, most of the time, i deny i have any denial system left intact. so the circle begins, if i have no denial system left in place, then how can i be denying anything, and if i am not denying anything then how is possible that what i am being told could possibly be true, therefore it needs to be denied and dismissed. and so it goes hellip;
were it not for the jolt of a rude awakening i would blithely slither thriough my recovery thinking that everything is alright, when in fact it is not. so today i will do my best to allow any rude awakening to happen and set off the chain reaction of growth that i need. it is after all, about a process of change and not reaching an outcome.

∞ DT ∞