๐ gaining the freedom ๐
Posted: Wed, Mar 5, 2025 06:34:54 AM
to make better choices, is certainly an aspect of feeling my way through a situation, rather than applying my acquired **wisdom.** as i sit here, stalled out on my second step, this reading certainly fits a bill, reminding me that i can okay not “knowing.” for years on end, i was obsessed with knowing a HIGHER POWER and as a result vehemently denied the POWER that fuels my recovery, as IT had absolutely no definition, even though IT was the POWER i was seeking ever since i came to recovery. today, as i seek the freedom to make choices based on intuition and conscience, rather than on impulse or colored by the part of me i call addiction, i often pause and allow myself to sample the void, before proceeding. i am no longer concerned how my peers view that moment and what label they may put upon it, which for me is quite a leap of FAITH. what i am coming to see, is that what i think i need, is actually something i want and the boundary between need and desire is becoming more defined the longer i stay clean and let go of knowing where that line may be.
this morning, as i sat, what kept coming up was my desire to move on from the project that i have been stuck on, for several days, waiting for approval from my peers at work. instead of approval, my work got declined and i am quite certain that my team mate will want me to create a clean branch and resubmit it. there was a moment of anger when i saw that result and i wanted to lash out and scream. what i did do, however, is take a breath and consider what it was they probably wanted me to do. i could blame shift as number 47 did last night in his address to Congress, but i know what needs to be done and the back and forth between the two of us, does create a mess that needs resolving, which i am ready to do. in fact i may get that rolling before he asks me to do so.
the other frustration i have this morning, is my training program seems to be stuck on recovery. i know the issue was the flaky GPS yesterday that turned a 3.5 mile jog into a 5.25 mile run. this morning i am going to the gym and do exactly what my fitness tracker indicate i should do for my workout, as i want to move on. life is okay today and i may not have all the answers and as perceptive as i may be, i cannot possibly percieve all there is to see, feel, hear or experience. i can, however, live in the freedom of just being and feeling my way to the next correct thing to do, just for today.
this morning, as i sat, what kept coming up was my desire to move on from the project that i have been stuck on, for several days, waiting for approval from my peers at work. instead of approval, my work got declined and i am quite certain that my team mate will want me to create a clean branch and resubmit it. there was a moment of anger when i saw that result and i wanted to lash out and scream. what i did do, however, is take a breath and consider what it was they probably wanted me to do. i could blame shift as number 47 did last night in his address to Congress, but i know what needs to be done and the back and forth between the two of us, does create a mess that needs resolving, which i am ready to do. in fact i may get that rolling before he asks me to do so.
the other frustration i have this morning, is my training program seems to be stuck on recovery. i know the issue was the flaky GPS yesterday that turned a 3.5 mile jog into a 5.25 mile run. this morning i am going to the gym and do exactly what my fitness tracker indicate i should do for my workout, as i want to move on. life is okay today and i may not have all the answers and as perceptive as i may be, i cannot possibly percieve all there is to see, feel, hear or experience. i can, however, live in the freedom of just being and feeling my way to the next correct thing to do, just for today.
∞ DT ∞