Blog entry for:

me from making spiritual progress.
Here i sit, in shirt sleeves, listening to the surf and the birds, wondering what I ever did to be able to have such an experience in my life. I mean, seriously add its do not get vacations and even if I could eke one out, I would be all over trying to find the ways and means, rather than enjoying the peace and serenity of this morning. the truth is, recovery gave me both the means and the desire to fly away at the end of winter and develop a decent tan. When I think about it, getting here, despite the mess in the airport and the trails of getting our room, was the easiest part of my journey that started that fateful day way back when.
Speaking of way back when:

Eva G,
25 years of doing this gig
Just For Today,
Thank you for showing me how to do this,

Once upon a time, there was a lad who tasted the world of getting high for the first time. An argument could be made as to that lad being born an addict, but it really does not matter. That lad got high and something within him changed,permanently, and irrevocably. Although the rude awakening he would need was still twenty-five years away, at the time he relished the change. That lad, went on to become absolutely nothing across the course of those twenty-five years and when the opportunity to change his life presented itself, he fought it, he spurned it, and he did everything he could do, to prove that those fVxckers were wrongs about him, there was no fVcking way he was an addict so FVCK OFF and DIE!
So there I was angry, lost and in denial. It was not as if the drugs stopped bringing me the relief I sought, they worked even the last time I used. It was not like I had lost everything, I accepted that the choices I made insured that I could continue a life of using. Cars cost money. Relationships require emotional investment. Careers require sacrifices of time and energy. Getting high, for the most part took minutes to accomplish and I could almost certainly know the outcome of that event, way before I started. Very little uncertainty in how I was going to feel.
Ever since that first time, all of me, mind, body and spirit has been driven to find that executives feeling again. Even to this day, I look at the “getting high” with a certain nostalgia and wonder if I could get high without destroying the spiritual and emotional balance that recovery has brought to me life. The fact is, I do not believe that I can, so I discover new ways to find what I think I lost when I first got clean. Those new ways are all found in living the program that give the resources to fly away and be nothing but a tourist for the next seven days. The rude awakening this morning, for me anyhow, is that I have nothing planned for today and that is a wonderful feeling. Oh yeah, perhaps this time down here I will find a meeting and get off the reservation for a bit. It is a good day to be clean and to be hopping into the shower.

∞ DT ∞