Blog entry for:

to exert my power and exhausting myself tilting at those windmills, seems to be a theme in my life lately. the very rude awakening i have been in the midst of, is that i can find all kinds of reasons to ignore 99.9%of what i hear at meetings and disregard the rest. seriously i find myself rolling my eyes, more and more, as i find what my peers are sharing to be ever increasingly cliché and shallow. living is such a state is not a great address for this addict and at least for me, there is certainly a red flag warning or two being posted. this where i could launch into a whole long tirade about how they do not know how to share, and the proof in that is they cannot even correctly pronounce the word “anonymous.” that cheap shot aside, what i need to write about this morning, is not what others may say or do, but what i say and certainly what i do.
even with some internal balance restored in my life, i still find myself dreading the meetings that are in my neck of the woods. my levels of tolerance and acceptance are critically low and finding fault and judging the living shite out of my peers, has become my favorite pastime. even though that behavior shows up on my daily inventory, i feel powerless over participating in that behavior and digging deep for what may be the cause and conditions, it seems i left with a single alternative, work my freaking step. oh there are all sorts of excuses i can make for my lack of spiritual fitness around my in-meeting behavior, but they all end up at the same place, a direct correlation to my two-asshole rule, and that never makes me feel all spiffy and spiritual.
just to refresh one's memory, my two-asshole rule is this: if i encounter an asshole during the course of my daily activities, perhaps they are one. if i encounter two or more, well, it just may be me, who is the asshole today.
where do i need to go from here? the simple answer, is to run away and attend all my meetings out of town, in venues far, far away. adopting the monday mountain meeting, did save my life last summer. unfortunately, this week, due to work, i am not able to head on up there.bin fact all week long, IF i want to go to a meeting, i have to stay local and that grates and irritates the living crap out of me as well. once again, the demolition of my denial, sucks one again. what that means, is that perhaps, instead of playing a game or binge watching my latest series, maybe a bit more step work and a call to my sponse needs to be on my agenda. certainly taking a breath or two and allowing myself the freedom to be a bit human, express my frustration with life in general and let it all go, needs to be part of my plan for this day. with that in mind, i do believe i will move forward in to this day and see what i can do to limit my general state of discontent, it is after all, a good day to be clean, just for today.

∞ DT ∞