Blog entry for:

by maintaining my recovery, just for today, i can avoid creating problems in the future. well first off. blogging just to have an entry over the past few days, is not a habit that i really want to develop. i will certainly do my best, from this point forward to eliminate quickies and actually put a bit of thought and substance into what i am writing.
so in that vein, i must say that the past week has been quite a roller coaster of feelings, events, surrender and moving into terra incognito in the relationship realm. as i move forward into this entirely new and different relationship, i feel free, every time i assert myself in the her and now. although all i get back is defensive rationalizations and justifications and trivializing, it really does not matter. what that demonstrates, is that clean time does not equal recovery and if i want to end up in that boat all i have to do is what they have done. it is so cool to have an object lesson for what i do not want to be.
so how does that apply to living in the her and now? well, for one it is me and me alone that affects the progress of my spiritual growth. i can choose to rest on my laurels so to speak and believe that i have enough recovery to survive, and perhaps that is true. i am not willing to settle for mere survival today, as i have said more than once in the past, for me the goal is to thrive. the reading suggests, and i agree, that to meet my goal of thriving today, i MUST live a program of recovery, walking in FAITH that what the will of the POWER THAT IS THE SOURCE OF MY RECOVERY, will be revealed if i remain present for what is happening in my life.
but is any of this germane to the topic at hand? well, living in the manner i have described above allows me to keep my past in perspective, it was no one else’s fault that i developed a toxic relationship, i was given exactly what i asked for and wanted, and given it in abundance. i can cast blame or beat myself up over it, or i can simply choose to learn the lesson that i needed to learn, people regardless of whatever pedestal i place them on are fallible, fragile human beings, and addict in recovery are ever more so. the direction of my relationships is up to me, and although GOD’s will is revealed to me as i need to know it, it was no will of a loving HIGHER POWER, that i form any relationship that prevents me from growing spiritually.
so speaking of the future? well, i can walk forward secure in the knowledge that more bad and even toxic relationships are waiting for me to enter them. i can also walk in FAITH, that if i remember the lessons of my path, i will choose to not become enmeshed in the web of those traps waiting to happen. so for me, this morning, i need to focus on being present for what i am being told, after all, if i am not, i will miss my cue and fail to be present for the gift of life i am being offered. so off to my workout routine and into this day.

∞ DT ∞