Blog entry for:

of my past and the fear of my future seem to be my constant companions. okay that is a bit out there, they certainly once were my constant companions, especially in active addiction when i lived a life based on the fantasy that i was not who i appeared to be and some day all my extraordinary side would be revealed and celebrated by the world around me. before all that happened, all i had to do, is keep what i had done on the down-low and i would be good to rise to my proper place in society. what i “got” was a felony conviction that was accompanied by a stretch in jail and forced abstinence. little did i realize, back in those days, was that would turn my life into one that i feel is more than okay to be living in the now.
this morning, i am up far too early and having to drive way too far, to fulfill a service commitment i accepted. 😭 as i sit here pounding this out and wondering how i am going to get everything done this weekend, including my online assessment for a different position, i have a bit of knowledge that i lacked a week ago about my current position. that knowledge has relieved me of the pressure to perform and removed a fear of the future that has haunted me since i lost my last job through my inability to step up and take charge of my professional career, specifically that i am not good enough to be working in this field. my intent is to do the best i can this evening and walk away satisfied that i did just that. that means today will be a full day ⇛ service, workout, study and my online assessment. that will free me from that burden, so that tomorrow i can enjoy cigars and football, after getting the leaves bagged and running my weekly 10K. the time has come to stop fretting and start planning about how to keep my current position, as i work towards my next one.
on that note, it is time to shower off and prepare to get moving on down the road. i know that i may fall short on that online assessment and that is okay, if i do not give up and submit nothing at all. i also know that my past no longer needs to be a burden for me to carry and keep on the down-low. my past has brought me to this place and the sum of those experiences have made me the person i am today. that person, while far from perfect, is no longer waiting to be recognized and honored foe his hidden and inherent “greatness.” no, that person sees that he is extraordinary, in his own right and does not need anyone to laud his accomplishments, just for today.

∞ DT ∞