Blog entry for:

delusions of how great things could be, overblown expectations that set me up for disappointment and relapse -- all are stripped of their power by the program.
as i have said before, the evidence of the truth of these statements is all around me. yes i had a moment , yesterday to write this little ditty, but i chose to do some homework as i waited for a sponsee to arrive, so we could go through the fifth step process. it never ceases to amaze me the instantaneous effect that this process has on my sponsee. nor is my amazement any less when i consider what being a part of this process has on me. so it feels more than appropriate that i should be writing about the power of the program to strip my delusions of what the future should look like as well as put my past into perspective. it has been my experience that the steps and the program remove from my life my less than realistic vision of how bad or good anything outside of this moment can possibly be.
as i sit here , i think back on the closing speaker’s message yesterday. i had heard him speak before, when i was much younger in recovery, and the interesting part is that he has hardly altered his message at all. HOWEVER, what i took away from his message affected me entirely differently. it is safe to say, that many of the things he said were challenging to how i view the program, and that is not a bad thing. they challenge me less today than they did when i was two and half years clean, and will provide me food for thought for quite some time. although i find myself in agreement with many of the ideas that were presented, i also find myself, defending my particular point of view, at least inside of me. i understand that defending my beliefs is part of being a human being, and that when challenged, it is often the easier, softer way to draw back and come out fighting. well arguing about how i view the program, the steps and the effect that is manifest in my life with someone else is quite counterproductive, instead, this morning i choose to add the information into the database of my recovery experience to see how it will change my overall view of life itself, as seen through the lenses of my recovery experience. yes i have heard it said that as a recovering addict i am a work in progress, a project whose completion date that has yet to be revealed, so in this respect what i find myself doing is looking back to what challenged me about the speaker’s message at two and contrasting it to what challenged me yesterday. it is not very often that i get the chance to do this particular exercise. honestly with all that happened yesterday, i have yet to have the time to participate in this particular exercise, so as it is integrated and analyzed i will report my findings in this forum, or not! i have yet to be able to predict the future, so be that as it may, i will allow the program to work its particular brand of magic on me and see what happens. life is after all just life and all i have is this minute of time to do what i need to do.

∞ DT ∞